Steppinupmusic.com

Official Website of Lori Crandall

Back Again! Greetings everyone. It's been awhile since I've updated my site. Thanks to you who keep popping in to check on me. Much appreciated. I've produced a new song called "That's How I Got Here". You can purchase it at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/loricrandall5.

I was out walking one day and the weight of my life felt like a million pounds on my shoulders. All the religious gender roles my family/culture has put on me, the shunning, the judgement, the unrelenting criticism, did I mention the shunning...yes, all of it was really weighing on my mind. It is really a shame to come from such a deeply religious culture that if you choose to be a single woman with no children...that everything you've accomplished is NOTHING...zippo,  nadda, to them. You are erased. I've done some deep thinking in the subject and I've come to a place where I reject their religious dogma and how I've been treated. I know who I am and I know how I deserve to be treated and I've made a choice to not engage for any more abuse. As an adopted child I entered this world excited thinking how lucky I was to get to be in a family and have a free life. I was not at all prepared to be in a Mormon home where all my choices were made for me at the tip of a tongue masquerading as a weapon. I never signed up to be abused and screamed at and emotionally/physically  tortured. I'm free and I'll always be free. If I would have known the future that awaited me as a Mormon female I would have interviewed more sets of parents as an infant. LOL. Too bad that can't be true.

Just like "Elsa" in "Frozen"...it's true about "it's funny how some distance, makes everything seem small. And the fears that once controlled me can't get me at all!"  I've given myself time and distance away from family and religion to really see what it did to me and I'm not impressed. Women are free people. We don't need to populate religions unless WE choose to after we've been given ALL the information up front. Throughout my investigation into Mormonism, I've been shocked to learn of the lies I had been fed all our lives. Check out www.cesletter.com to see what I mean. I'm obviously glad to have learned what I have, but to look at so many nieces and nephews and see them being forced to attend church and given no other alternative than to obey their already entrenched parents breaks my heart. Where is the freedom? Where is choice? If you don't "choose" to obey....you are literally kicked out and shunned for life. I've come to grips with this as much as I think a human being can, but at least for me I was literally "homeless" for 2 days before I was adopted so I can step "out" of it because I could have been adopted by atheists just as easily as Mormons....but dammit if it's not a cruel thing to have your parents swear in the Holy Temple of the Lord of all places...to give their time talents and all they have or will have to the CHURCH and NOT to their own family!! I guess that makes every Mormon child simply a pawn to be used, brainwashed and assimilated by there Mormon parents who because they got married in the Temple...made that promise. Who has children knowing they are going to give their time, loyalty and money to a church and not to the children? And then they say that "families are forever"...Not. No. Where your heart and money go....that is what you love and for entrenched Mormons....that is the church and free thinking children be damned.

I've learned so much...I'm thrilled with my awakening and breaking out of that horrible prison, and I hope the world continues to awaken.

I won't be abused anymore. Just because I'm a female doesn't mean I'm going to fulfill any "role" for anyone. I'm no one's housekeeper or babysitter. I live for myself and what is good and right for me. I love those who love me back. I don't pretend to be able to fix anyone and I'm not a free counseling service. I love to work hard and play hard and as my lyrics say..."you can disown me and shun me and stone me, but you'll never know a damn thing about me...". If you want to know me...treat me with respect. Be a loyal friend. If your your loyalty is to a church who subjugates women and gays...please don't even approach me as I will no longer tip toe around those sorts of beliefs. No more pain, no more hate. You treat me nice, I'll treat you nice. Easy as that.

Oh, I wanted to share with you one of the main reasons I was able to "wake up" from religion and family and cultural expectations (I feel like this is sort of a Harry Potter moment when Harry's mother loves him and it saves his life). For the first 17 years of my life I had a grandpa...his name is Lu. He passed away 6 months before I graduated from High School. But, in those 17 years that man totally changed my life and the way I saw myself and  my place in this world. He was an Air Force mechanic, a farmer, a builder...a serious Jack of All Trades. He made food dehydrators for his kids and their families, made my cousin a dress, built a bathroom in his house and kept everything running like a well oiled machine. He worked shift work and was a shining example of working hard for your money. But the greatest thing he did for me was this....every time I was around him...especially in his work shed...I did not have to manipulate my emotions for him. I did not have to be "on", nor did I have to make up some success story from school to look presentable. I didn't have to have my hair neatly combed and I could be wearing tomboy play clothes and he didn't care. He was always working with a purpose..with a goal in mind and had no need to manipulate me or ask me to entertain him. He was one human being I could truly be myself with. That is a HUGE thing. He bought a pop up camper and us grandkids would go camping with him and his wife and I'd always get to help set up the camper and he thought nothing of it other than gratitude for the help. There was not one religious, negative, rude, condescending, judgmental bone in his body. In conversation with him he was NEVER running someone down or pitting family member against family member. His sense of self worth was strong enough to never need that. But...whenever I left his work shed or his presence I felt this rising anxiety because around the other family members I felt like I had to prove my worth...I was adopted after all. One must "obey", and "work", and do endless household chores and take abuse and say nothing back. Can't be seen with those "crocodile tears". So, in my heart I've always loved my grandpa for letting me be "me" and for letting me even know what that was. I wish others who knew him could be more like him because I find the shunning, the labeling, the cruelty, the "you keep your mouth shut about the church and your being gay or else you'll NEVER see your family again!!" (This was said to me in May of 2013), to be the most pathetic, cruel, inhumane way to treat another human being...let alone you "family". I'm disgusted by the behavior of my family. It is unkind, condescending and divisive. My family live in a country that has central heating/air, unlimited food, clothes and shoes. They have everything they need to be happy and healthy and yet they are arrogant and blind. I pity them and will never forget what they did and how they made me feel. No one should have to live with the weight of an entire families hate upon them because they didn't want to go to church anymore and they loved women.

I'll update again soon with some more news! Be well and think for yourselves.

Lori



Breaking News!
My new song "I've Had to Learn" is done!! You can purchase it on cdbaby.com/loricrandall4.  You can also hear a snippet there as well as https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8v9LwjGNxg.

I wrote this song about a lesbian woman who tells her religious mother she is gay, and then watches her mother leave her life out of judgement and ignorance because the church told her to.  It chronicles the journey of the daughter into the pain of abandonment and learns to fortify herself against the loss despite how much she loves and misses her mother.  Very powerful.

I've also done an interview for National Radio in NZ about my experience with domestic violence, adoption, leaving the Mormon Church and I also perform live 5 of my songs.  Enjoy!!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZ8RYsaeOo&feature=youtu.be

I've spent the past almost 12.5 years working/writing in New Zealand. For me it was a necessary step in my healing and personal evolution.  There comes a time in a person's life where you must undertake a journey to save yourself away from the pressure and expections of the familiar.  I've learned that I was never destined to live the life prescribed by my family.  I don't fit in boxes.  I'm free and follow an inner drummer.


Thank you!

Welcome to Steppin' Up Music!!!  This is the official homepage for the exciting Singer Lori Crandall!  




Hi Everyone!  Thanks for stopping by!! I just got back from the White Ribbon Day Event here in Henderson, Auckland, NZ.  This was an event to support women who have been victimized by domestic violence.  The march was so powerful that when about 500 people came around the corner I couldn't stop myself from weeping.  It was breathtaking to see so many people who cared about this issue. Thanks to all involved.


I have a new single called "Hittin It Out of the Park"!  It's another toe tappin' Country song.  You can hear a snippet at my myspace page...www.myspace.com/steppinupmusic.  Right now I'm not going to make a physical CD of it, but you can purchase an mp3 of it on Itunes, Amazon.com, and of course cdbaby.com/loricrandall.  CDbaby is also where you can purchase a physical copy of my album "The Warrior In Me".  Lori Crandall


Another single of mine in the same Country genre, is  "ROCKY MOUNTAIN WOMAN"! This is a toe tappin' Country song that will have you tappin' your boots and hitchin' up yer saddle! You can hear a snippet at my myspace page...www.myspace.com/steppinupmusic.  Right now I'm not going to make a physical CD of it, but you can purchase an mp3 of it on Itunes, Amazon.com, and of course cdbaby.com/loricrandall.

This was so fun guys.  Writing and producing this song just put a huge smile on my face.  I hope you like it!

Thanks for your love and support.
Lori

 

 Check me out at Promofm!

Lori Crandall


VISIT
Lori Crandall

 

 

 

Please visit my "Rocky Mountain Woman" page for ordering information and all things new in the world of the Rocky Mountain Woman!!

Thanks a whole heap you felines and fellas!!  Yee Haw!!

I'm on MySpace!! Feel free to check out my music on www.myspace.com/steppinupmusic.  You can purchase my music on www.cdbaby.com/loricrandall, Itunes and amazon.com.

To hear some snippets of my music, please see Lori's Sensational Sounds.  If you love what you hear, please feel free to order a copy at Ordering Information.

Please feel free to leave me a message on my Guestbook, or email me at steppinupmusic@yahoo.com

 

My new performance clip of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" April 10th, 2008

Website copyright Lori Crandall/2005   

Steppin' Up Music


My album is available now (please see ordering information for details)

My biggest desire in my life is to help those who have been affected by domestic violence find their hope, their love and their empowerment once again.  This is why I have written "The Warrior In Me".  These songs are near and dear to my heart remind me that I don't have to agree to, or accept bad behavior in my life, but that I can "Step Up and take back my life".  I've found "The Warrior In me", and although at times I've felt "Too Old For My Time", I've learned that "In Spite of You", I can heal, I can take back my power so that when I see the "Horror In Your Eyes", I'll be able to understand where you are coming from and offer my support. (All words in quotations are titles to my songs)

 

The album is only $4.95 at Itunes and Amazon.com as an MP3 download or $12.95 from cdbaby.com/loricrandall for the physical IT.  I hope this album will touch and inspire you as it has me.

This site and all its contents are copyrighted Lori Crandall/2006

I want to personally thank Steven and the late Melissa Stelts for their help in getting this project off the ground.  Without you, this would never have happened.  I am forever grateful to you.